Exactly a week ago, I messaged one of my great friends and shared what I’m about to share here. It’s been a week and the same feeling still lingers, so here is my “I called it” moment.
There’s always been a part of me that didn’t want to express my happiness just in case it didn’t work out. But somehow, this time around is very different, in that, I feel like I am ready to call it out. I want to prove to myself that I called it before it happened.
What has changed? Am I simply willing to risk something out in the open? or is it more that I trust myself to know that it will turn out the way I know and hope it will and I’m okay with that?
My friend said “that you are changing patterns and accepting the possibility of happiness. A bit of both, but also not being afraid to allow yourself to be happy in the possibilities and a willingness to be more open in general to world.”
It’s the first time I’ve felt alignment in a long time. I longed for this. Someone ready to give. Someone who has given me a lot already. This feeling of flow and groundedness. The IS. Like there’s things that I’m naturally letting go to fit someone in, and it’s a natural process without much thinking. It’s a connection built on feeling, an energy. It’s hard to express with words, but it is very sensory driven. I can feel the energy permeate through the phone call. The grin, the smile, the rolling eyes, the surprising warmth, the smirk, the inner child, the dirty mind, the honest, the vulnerable, and the transparent.
I know it’s genuine because I find my friends in this person. My posse, my tribe, my culture. “The look,” the grin, the non verbal facial expressions. Somehow there’s already a cultural understanding — and that’s huge for me. Someone who gets me (scary thought huh?) and someone who isn’t afraid to call it out. To act accordingly. It’s admirable, and so encouraging.
My friend called my energy giddy, but that this is good and real. It really is, and I’m looking to explore where it takes me next.