Reflecting on 2021

putting thoughts to pen to paper

Feels very fitting that my first post of 2021 is of reflecting the year. Took some time to write out the thoughts that came about while listening to Yoga Girl’s podcast that @thefemmespark recommended. For those that know me, I love collecting questions that make me ponder; and this podcast was filled with them, so here’s what came up:

Overall Feeling: impatient with myself. Felt the need to always be busy. Scheduling things day by day; but in the end–or maybe starting in May, learned how to be patient with myself–embracing my own pace and life style. Looking back, I was in the right place at the right time. I had the time & curiosity to explore different mediums & fields. I tried to separate myself–using “but” a lot, instead of “and.” Guide always said “You are independent” and it finally clicked. I am. I was uncomfortable being comfortable in my own skin. Now the feeling is hygge–a time paused–to embrace the warmth, the contribution, the wealth of knowledge, the communities built, the relationships connected. The blending of water + paint in water coloring.

2021 was: clarity, learning, an informational interview of myself. It was insightful, inclusive of all my parts, lots of awe, learnings, re-learning, reframing, reshifting, looking at things from different perspectives–> re-spiral of learning and things falling to place.

2021 at a glance:

January – constructive

February- eager

March – tender

April – engaged

May – inspired

June – attentive

July – stimulated

August – energized

September – composed

October – vulnerable

November – welcoming

December – grounded

In 2021 I:

  • found clarity
  • immersed myself in the puttyverse
  • re-connected with Little Lisa
  • got vulnerable
  • found my fears & worries
  • explored the dark side: wisdom of trauma
  • made intentional connections
  • learned to love holding safe spaces through active listening & facilitation
  • expressed creatively
  • lived life
  • felt motivated
  • was consistent
  • held accountability
  • made decisions despite uncertainty
  • cooked creatively
  • took off facebook
  • stopped posting on instagram (only for work)
  • learned a lot
  • read a lot
  • hosted a virtual conference
  • interviewed and got the job
  • pivoted career
  • explored inner parts: Internal Family Systems (IFS), astrology, tarot–all connections as it relates to psychology and me
  • kept in touch with P2
  • worked part time as a social media designer/HR/website manager/translator
  • explored career design with a new lens; creatively found ways to market myself
  • made it through with storytelling and learned the power of it
  • journaled a lot; and made prompts for others
  • was made aware of emotions
  • found clarity and purpose; a sense of direction
  • found community
  • immersed myself in new findings

The Intention I set for 2021 was: to find a job that paid my worth, and in a team. My word was: demonstrate. My epic win was to find a job by Spring 2022. Realized the one profession I was not applying to had the potential to be what I was looking for. The word manifested itself in a way that I needed to look inwards –> I had to interview myself; demonstrate that I had the answers all along. To be confident and patient with myself–to know and decide for me. I received confidence, assurance, and a great example for myself and others that it can be done.

2021 taught me: to be patient. That practice takes time. It takes time to create change; but consistency is the first step, after awareness. It taught me boundaries–energy shifting–the power of voice messages, consistency–accountability; to lean on others; to not be afraid to ask for help. To make hard decisions. The value of inclusivity and identity.

My most wonderful moments were: hearing full circle moment of marketing & sales for midnite ramen; Apple Cup win, voice messages from a wise soul, catch-ups with Barb, 1:1 connections through zoom; sound board sessions, 1st FIGT virtual conference, creativity, Tokyo 2020 Olympics & Paralympics.

Closest connections: Selva, Thomas, Putty Tank folks, P2, Heather, and so many authors!

Thank you: door, Little Lisa, hip pain/hip tilt, Joel, Puttyverse, accountability, special friend, prezis, huddles/zoom, canva, Elmer, instagram, FIGT, Hybrid Professionals, Career Design Fellowship, Job Search Support Accountability Group, LinkedIn, Little Lisa, Heather, stories, feelies, words, videos–instagram, eucalyptus scent, down vests/hoodies, hummingbirds, and “the work.”

Hard lesson learned: generational trauma can’t be fixed; but I can fix myself. Not fix, but re-learn and be stronger. I’m not perfect, but imperfectly perfect and have a lot to offer–more than I give myself credit for. Hi-Fi is hear and so is Little Lisa.

I’m leaving behind: worry and anxiety. Letting of impatience and trying to be 120%. It’s okay to be not okay. I can be happy and sad at the same time. Multipotential emotions. Done with not feeling enough. Done with saying ‘but.’

In 2022 I’m taking with me: the courage to show-up; be present with my emotions. To share my experience, to teach when asked, to ask for help, to question, stay curious, learning, energy, and creativity.

Yoga Girl’s Processing 2021 episode

What are you mourning/grieving from 2021? Loss of expecting my mom to change.

What are you celebrating from 2021?: voice messages; the insights made with intention; celebrating connections without the physical presence. Containing space/energy and making it safe and intimate.

2021 for me was: my tango with water as a water color paint. My color green with splashes of red and yellow–that made hints of orange to create nuances of gradience into clarity.

[Home is family, container, and relationships; body is the physical, health, well-being; mind is your career, work, studies, growth, and learning; and soul is the inner work, self-care, healing, and/or therapy.]

Home (3) in 2021: High: creating a work station, boundary of myself. Low: blending boundaries, getting lost in the boundaries.

Mind (2) in 2021: High: curiosity of clarity for next chapter of my life, and pivoting into new job with pay. Low: losing touch with friends.

Body (4) in 2021: High: understanding the whys & healing my body. Low: the physical pain & tensions.

Soul (1) in 2021: High: connecting/awareness/communication with inner parts. Low: taking in overthinking and worry.

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