unhooked

unhooked: how young women pursue sex, delay love, and lose at both

This book by Laura Sessions Stepp really made me think about why people go through ‘hook ups’.  I liked some of the things written in here, so I’ll jot them down. 

*”Saying ‘I hooked up last night with this guy whose name I don’t remember’ is a lot easier than saying ‘I gave this guy who name I don’t remember a blow job last night.'” You’ve got to give them credit; they’ve come up with a vocabulary that gives them maximum freedom.  The distance between what one says and what one means has never been greater.  (pg. 28)

*teabagged: took his testicles in her mouth 

*had a roast beef sandwich: the guy going down on a girl

*shack pack: toothbrushes, toothpaste, and other supplies given to pledges by sororities

*horority, sorostitutes: sorority

*Love, to them, seemed an awful lot like marriage: sometimes risky, frequently boring and potentially very hurtful.  Their confusion was understandable.  Unlike other nationalities, Americans use the word ‘love’ for some any things–new friends, comfy old bathrobes, the coffee shop down the street–that it has become virtually meaningless. (pg. 48)

*If you don’t hook up, or only hook up once, that’s considered weird. (pg. 84)

*Hooking up is also very selfish. It’s all about what you want, not what the other person wants. (pg. 137)

*My generation–actually our society–is into taking shortcuts…Get rich faster. Skip this step. Win instant approval. Hookups are like the shortcut to intimacy, while dating is the long way around, the scenic route.  We want to get there, wherever “there” is, as quickly as possible, and I think we’ve lost the ability to enjoy the journey.  Sometimes we forget that how much the “end” means depends on the “means” you took to get there.  Sometimes patience is a virtue.  I think some people are starting to realize that the intimacy learned from a hookup is no match for the intimacy from a relationship.  However, they aren’t quite sure what the difference is. They don’t recognize that the process of dating/getting to know someone/caring for someone is very important in creating the depth of feeling you will have for them.  Or that you don’t have to marry someone in order to learn from spending time with them.  There are some realtionships that aren’t going anywhere, but you can still learn about yourself, even if it’s only to stand up and tell the guy he’s not what you need. (Pg. 253)

*Right now in college, love is seen as a game of luck. We wander around meeting tons of people, each with our own personal arsenal of huge life plans, and we make new friends and hook up with people and collide in many different ways. It is just luck if you happen upon that guy whom you happen to click with. Perhaps an idea is to turn this game of luck into a game of skill…the skill of developing meaningful relationships. (pg. 254)

*If the [hooking up] culture is going to change, it will take both to change it.  That won’t happen, however, until they have opportunities to think about it smartly and ask each other questions such as: What about hooking up do they want preserve? What do they want to toss? Are there characteristics of old-fashioned dating that they would like to restore?  What would a new model of relating look like? (pg. 256)

*A letter to mothers and daughters
~A guy can make you feel valuable, but it’s not the guy who makes you valuable.~ 

You are the subject of your life, not someone else’s life: not your parents’, your friends’ or your partner’s. On the outside you may look like you could take on the world. But you and I know that on many days you feel pretty ordinary, and that’s when you’re vulnerable to doing things that whittle away at your self-confidence. The more confident you become, independent of love, the more confident you will be in love. (pg. 261)

~Don’t let them have what you’ve got until you, and they, know who you are.~

Your body is not an introductory offer. It’s a return receipt.  Your partner gives you love or at least respect and affection, and in return you give him part of you–and you decide which part. (pg. 262)

~Explore your feminine side beyond the black lace bra.~

Neither of you should get hung up on gender stereotypes when it comes to making the other feel special. (pg. 263)

~Love won’t change you; it will just make you more of who you are.~

~Lust is not love, although it can feel like it.~

~The past is prologue.~

~Breaking up is hart to do–and instructive.~

~Even with a good guy, you’ll still need friends.~

~Think erotic, not pornographic.~

~Sex always has meaning, even when it is ‘meaningless’.~

~Plan your dive and dive your plan.~ 

~The personal is the political.~

looking back and looking forward

I haven’t written in this for such a long time and I suppose its a good thing considering I’ve been talking to people rather than bottling it to myself.  

This semester was so productive, I don’t even know where to begin.  I have to admit, breaking it off with Steve was not great, however, the timing couldn’t have been better, cuz seriously, I don’t know what I would’ve been doing if I had someone right now.  My GPA this semester was great and the experiences in my internships, the friendships I have, everything was just falling into place for me, and I learned and grew so much as an individual.  

I don’t regret anything about my relation with Steve, however, as I look back and realize what I used to do last year and what I’ve accomplished this year, and what I can hope for in the future, I feel like Steve was a good learning experience.  Just like my friends suggested, I pretty much did cut off connections with him.  I don’t talk to him, I don’t see him, I don’t even talk to him online anymore.  I didn’t go to his 21-run either.  One reason was because I don’t know how I would act around him.  Secondly, all in all, I don’t like his friends.  I just don’t.  As hard as I may think, I think both his friends and I tried to be “nice” to each other, but in all reality, I wouldn’t hang out with them.  and, I think that’s what mainly led Steve and I to break apart.  It was beginning to be me vs. them and I didn’t need that.  

Another thing is, his pictures frustrate me now.  which is why I’m re-doing my room either tomorrow or Friday.  The moments we had together were great, I can’t be more thankful, but I don’t need to see it anymore.  It’s in my memory.  The frustration also comes from the point that he does certain things for his gf that he told me he’d never do, or disliked.  which in turn tells me, either he’s changed himself for her, or he just liked to be controlling to me.   Another thing though, is that my friend, well not really my friend friend, but she tries to make the “old timer friends” back in freshmen year get together, and it’s just not going to work like that.  I have no interest in hanging out with steve and his new gf, let alone, everyone else from old times.  The old times were good, but it’s old now.  I have new friends, a new crew.  We all have different wants and needs now.  I don’t mind that she still keeps in touch with Steve.  I really don’t.  But to tell me about it, is just frustrating.  I don’t want to know.  Let alone, I don’t care.  

One thing though, that I’m really grateful for Steve, is my ability to realize that I’m not willing to compromise who I am for anyone, whether it be my dad, or to the person I care mostly about.  As I’m working on my Honors Thesis on negotiating identity, I understand more and more that what Steve couldn’t handle about me was not my fault.  I was negotiating through cultural differences and I’m sorry I didn’t warn him before getting into a relationship with me, but in all truth, life is full of bumpy roads.  Whether you want to fix that is your choice.  

I also was able to patch things up with my dad.  Who knows if it’s age, the fact that we are so apart, or that he’s becoming more open with me, but all in all, it happened when I was with Steve, so I’m grateful for that as well.  

As for now, sure, I’m up for a new relation, but I’m not hunting down any guys.  Time will come.  I’ve learned to open up, not be scared to show who I really am.  You only live once.  

I’m looking forward for my last year here at WSU.  Who knows….there could be a start of a new relationship, there might not.  All I know is that I’ll be a different person regardless of what happens, cuz surely enough, I’ve learned so much about myself in the past 3 years and saw who are the ones that are really my friends.  I love them so much and seriously, I am definitely looking forward for this upcoming year.  

*Update on Dec. 22, 2006. 
Thought I’d put every note he wrote me, since hey, it’s sweet. 

1. For Valentine’s day it was hard to commit
to just one gift, for you, I could get. 
I racked my brain for something would suffice
as an adequate present for my hint of asian spice
the only thing worthy of you that I could find
was the sun, stars, and moon that shine
after looking around and assessing the cost
I new that idea was all but lost
Next thought I would bring the stars to you 
In the forms of emeralds green and saphhires blue
what thwarted my efforts upon reaching my eyes
price tag with zeroes that scrapped the skies
next I thought a gift of roses red, 
but I thought of your view on flowers that would soon be dead.
So I settled on this, though rather cliche,
It shows that I love you, in a traditional way.
That is my poem, you’ve read it, and it’s done. 
Though you don’t like Valentine’s Day, I hope you had a good one. 

2. your almond eyes hold the power
to hold me captive for many an hour
their tender gaze does warm my soul
and fill, in my heart, a gaping hole. 
my arms do yearn to hold you tight
and close to me throughout the night.
your presence creates a feeling with bliss
and I find peace within your every kiss.
To be in your embrace is truly devine
the same goes for when you place your hand in mine.
you fill my eart with such emotion
that it causes, in my mind, quite a comotion
is it right to have feelings this strong? 
in my heart I know they aren’t wrong
there is but one word I can use to describe
these feelings that I harbus inside. 
love. 

3. I give to you flowers. roses, red in hue
a gift from my heart, which was stolen by you. 
please accept this token of my affection 
thought it does to rival your perfection.
A las, I am at work, so a courier had to distribute 
this, incomparison to your beauty, a simple tribute.
when from the job I return, I hope you will agree, 
to go and dine at a restaurant with me.
This poem must end, but my feelings will not
as I carry you with me in my every thought
Just thought I would give you a little gift.  Hope this puts a smile
on your face and in your heart.  Have a great day, and I look forward to seeing
you next. 

–Your Huggable Panda–

Pride

During my procrastination, I found some of my older files containing quotes from the J-drama “PRIDE.” I figured I could post some up here considering majority of my friends speak both Japanese and English, and maybe even spanish (if you’re special). 

あたしのこと本気で好きになっても知らないわよ
寂しくなっても知らないわよ
寂しさなんて感じたことないよ
一度も
…いいよ

(亜樹) 誰かに泣きごと言ったことある?
幼稚園の時から誰でもいいの
ハルは誰かに泣きごと言ったこある?
いつも強がって頑張ってるハルは、素敵だな、カッコいいなって思うけど
ハルだって、ハルだって……
かわいそう、ハル…
きっと男の子はママで泣きごと聞いてもらう練習するのに
ハルにはそれができなかったのね
あたしがハルのママだったら、いつでも聞いてあげたのに
そしてあなたを哀しませる、ありとあらゆるものから守ってあげるのに
片時も目を離さずに

(亜樹) 私たちはゲームだったんです
(容子) ゲーム?
えぇ
人生もゲームだと思うわ
真剣になるかどうかは本人次第なだけ

(ハル) 自分一人だと、守りに入らなくて済むっていうか
どうにでもなるっていうか
どこかで野たれ死んだとしても、誰にも迷惑がかからないっていうか
以前はそういう気持ちでいたと思うんです
実は一人っていうのは、誰よりも強いんだっていうふうに
でも、それにも限界があるんじゃないかって、思うようになりました
何か自分がやった後でも
喜びも達成感みたいなものも
全部自分自身にしかはね返ってこないじゃないですか
ただ、僕自身の喜びを
自分のことのように喜んでくれる人がいたら
僕自身の哀しみを
自分のことのように哀しんでくれる人がいてくれたら
もっと遥かに、すごい力が沸いてくるんじゃないかって…

プライド捨てるのも
案外プライドいるんだよね

  • Current Mood:  exhausted

quotes

[the five people you meet in heaven] 

“Each of us was in your life for a reason.  You may not have known the reason at the time, and that is what heaven is for.  For understanding your life on earth” (35) “Scenery without solace is meaningless” (35) “No life is a waste.  The only time we waste is the time we spend thinking we are alone” (50)”It’s the thinking that gets u killed” (60)”Sacrifice is a part of life.  It’s supposed to be.  It’s not something to regret.  It’s something to aspire to.  Little sacrifices.  Big sacrifices” (93)”That’s the thing.  Sometimes when you sacrifice something precious, you’re not really losing it.  You’re just passing it on to someone else” (94) “All parents damage their children.  It cannot be helped.  Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers.  Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair” (104) “All parents damage their children.  This was their life together.  Neglect.  Violence.  Silence” (110) “You have peace when you make it with yourself” (113)
“Things that happen before you are born still affect you.  And people who come before your time affect you as well” (123) “We move through places every day that would never have been if not for those who came before us.  Our workplaces, where we spend so much time–we often think they began with our arrival.  That’s no true” (123) “Silence was his escape, but silence is rarely a refuge.  His thoughts still haunted him” (139) “Learn this from me.  Holding anger is poison.  It eats you from inside.  We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us.  But hatred is a curved blade.  And the harm we do, we do to ourselves” (141) “Do you remember the lightness you felt when you first arrived to heaven? Eddie did.  Where is my pain. That’s because no one is born with anger.  And when we die, the soul is freed of it.  But now, here, in order to move on, you must understand why you felt what you did, and why you no longer need to feel it.  She touched his hand.  You need to forive your father” (142) “You beat me.  You shut me out.  I didn’t understand.  I still don’t understand.  Why did you do it?  Why? I didn’t know, OK?  I didn’t know your life, what happened.  I didn’t know you.  But you’re my father.  I’ll let it go now, all right? All right? Can we let it go?” (144) “Love, like rain, can nourish from above, drenching couples with a soaking joy.  But sometimes, under the angry heat of life, love dries on the surface and must nourish from below, tending to its roots, keeping itself alive” (164) “Lost love is still love, Eddie.  It takes a different form, that’s all.  You can’t see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor.  But when those senses weaken, another hightens.  Memory.  Memory becomes your partner.  You nurture it.  You hold it.  You dance with it.  Life has to end, Love doesn’t” (173) “Secret of heaven: that each affects the other and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one” (196)


[reading Paul’s last article] Okay readers, today we’re having a little pop quiz, it’s multiple choice, so sharpen your number 2 pencils and put your thinking caps on. Ready? Here’s a quote: “Dad, you’re an idiot.” Now, contestants, this was said to me because of which of the following transgressions? A: Coming to the breakfast table wearing pajamas and black socks? B: Asking my oldest daughter if that guy I saw her talking to yesterday at school was her boyfriend? C: Referring to rapper Fiddy Cent as “Fifty Cents”? or D: Entering the room? Okay, pencils down. Actually it was a trick question. The answer is all of the above. Now do you know how many times I called my father an idiot? Zero. Why? Because I feared him. Back then we didn’t share our deep personal feelings, our deepest conversations usually revolved around the tigers bull pen. But my kids, I can’t get them to shut up! There’s not a feeling that my kids are afraid to express over and over and over. And my wife reassures me this is a good thing over and over and over, and she’s always right. So do I wish that my kids feared me? Well my house would be quieter, and I’d spend a lot less time in the bathroom, but no. Because I know that whenever they insult me whether it’s a “You’re an idiot,” “You’re a geek,” or an “I hate you,” an “I love you” isn’t far behind. And it’s the knowledge that my wife and kids love me that makes it safe for me to wear pajamas and black socks to the breakfast table.

what it all boils down to

wow, long time no entry. I’ve actually been telling kei and sarah that I’d write this entry for more than a month or even more, but I just never had the energy to sit down and actually write it out.  I have so much I want to let out before the year ends, hence, I only have until the 26th because I will be going to Cancun, hehe.  hmm…where to start. 

Let me start by first saying that what I write here is solely for my purpose only.  It’s my way of coping.  Their MY opinion, my thoughts, my emotions, my feelings, mine all mine.  Some people like to repress everything, never to talk about it, going to find other distractions; others like to write, drink, be angry…I happen to be good with letting it all out, whether it be in writing, in person, or by phone.  If you have disagreements, opinions, comments that’s fine, but know that I’m not writing here to pick fights.  I’m here to let it all out.  

Well, I know for a fact that majority of my friends want to know how i’m coping after everything.  and like I said, I’m not trying to prove anything here, but I’m truly okay.  I don’t want anyone to think that I’m just saying I’m ok for the hell of it.  Hell, I’d say it if I’m not okay with it.  I’ve had about a month now to think this through, and as I think about it, the more I realize that this is just me.  I know i’m probably gonna go back and forth on this, but bear with me.  This whole year, I suppose from Sept. 2004-Dec. 2005 was probably the best year for me so far (don’t want to jinx the upcoming years).  And I’m not gonna lie, it did have to do with being with Steve, and I guess this is the reason why I need to let it all out.  Despite our breakup, despite the fact that I found out he was going for a girl that I knew a week before finals, and despite the fact that he is now in a relationship with her, I can’t hate the guy because he’s done so much for me.  Besides, in my pov, I don’t have a right to go off saying when is the right time for him to start dating again.  I know some people that goes off thinking that their relationship wasn’t worth anything due to the extremeness of jumping into the new relationship.  Yes, I was surprised.  More like shocked, by the time it took for him to bluntly say, “get over me.”  It sounds cocky, but it is quite shocking.  But then I thought about it, and it really isn’t about the time.  I’d bet you I would’ve had the same reaction if he had started to date her next semester.  I think its just a matter of why was he able to let himself into the market, and I couldn’t? And that’s mainly because yes, I still truly care for him.  But don’t get me wrong.  I’m not the kind of person who would jeopardize his new relationship out of misery, jealousy, or just blatant hate.  I know some people who have, but that’s really just not me.  Many of my guy friends have told me that I’m too nice to him, or that I’m just simply too nice of a person, and well, maybe I am, but that’s me.  That’s Lisa.  

I’m happy for him that he was able to find himself a new girl and move with his instincts.  I gotta say tho, if she hurts him in any way shape or form…man… I’m gonna have to kill a bitch.  He’s not MY boy per se, but he’ll always be my boy hehe.  I know for a fact that he’ll be there if I ever needed him, and I will always be there for him when he needs it.  

so as you might’ve already noticed, I really have respect for him.  It’s funny, because my parents both know the jest of what’s going on between me and him, and my mom only focuses on how he’s a jerk for going off with another girl lol… and my dad, focuses more on the fact that he made me happy.  so in other words, my mom focuses more on the present issue of me not being with him, and my dad focuses more on what I had with him…which kinda struck me as ironic, because usually the dad bashes the boyfriend.  But then as my parents both commented on that, I realized that I have the same feelings as my dad towards steve.  Yea, I’m not the happiest camper when I know he’s no longer mine to keep, but I’m not about to go kill him or be mean to him.  In fact, when my mom “tries” to bash steve, I feel bad for the guy, and I tell her to stop, cuz really, he’s not a bad guy.  Yes, I have a couple of things to list of what I don’t like about him, but no one’s perfect, we’re all different.  

This whole year was in fact the longest relationship that I was in so that could be a major reason, but also, it was the first time that I really felt like I grew as an individual.  I went through therapy, I went to friends, I confronted him, I went through a rollercoaster full of emotions, but all in all, I grew tremendously as an individual and I’m really proud of that.  I remember writing an entry in the past to kei about how you can’t be happy until you aren’t happy by yourself..or something along those lines.  and it’s true.  The past years, I had a lot of parts that I really couldn’t care less or just didn’t pay attention to, but Steve pointed those out for me and I’ve become to accept who I am and who I’m not.  I’ve really learned a whole great deal of myself and I can’t be thankful enough.  It sounds corny, but its true.  

Now to say the least, I’m excited to see how things are gonna go from here, after realizing this “new” me.  I feel like I actually do want to put everything that I learned about myself into use with the next guy I find, but I can’t lie…there is a part of me that still wants to see if I can manage to apply everything back to Steve.  A whole new relationship with Steve.  I’m most certain that it won’t happen.  but, that will be something that I will be storing to myself.  There’s actually three songs that I keep listening to: 1-Just want you to know by Backstreet boys, 2-Mine Again by Mariah Carey 3-Don’t forget about us by Mariah Carey.  These three songs have real meaning to me, but again, that’s not something I’m going to wish loud.  It’s a feeling I get sometimes and its just, setsunai.  (don’t know the translation for that)  

I think Jenny rated her year to be a 7 this year, and I’d say mine was probably close to a 9.  Steve and I were together for a bit over a year and we made it thus far cuz there was something there that kept us together.  It didn’t last more than that cuz there was another thing that kept us apart.  That’s all there is to it.  Does that make my year with him nothing of importance? no. not at all.  Again, its not about time.  It’s about feelings, emotions, and will.  That’s all there is to it.  

Although my love for Steve may be different from what he feels for me at this moment, I’m not scared to say that I do truly love him and wish him the best of luck with his new girl.  I’m just really happy and thankful that I got to share something with him and hopefully continue to be able to tell “stories” of us and our friends.  

so again, I’m not the type of girl who tries to find the next available guy just to prove to steve that I could get over him as well.  I’ll work up something, sooner or later.  Until then, I’m going to enjoy life just as it comes along.  Whatever happens, happens.  I don’t have any resolutions for next year except that hopefully it can be good as or even better than this year.  

Merry X’mas and a Happy New Year!

UNI

初めはUの為
自分を変えようと努力した
でも、どうしても自分を変えることはできなかった
努力が足りなかったのか・それとも根性どっちだったんだろうか

今はIの為
彼の為ではなくて自分の為に変えようとしてる自分がいる
最初は彼の為、でも、今から見ると
努力・根性がなくても自分は変わってる

彼を取り戻そう・・・その発想が無いとは言い切れない
でも、言い切れることは自分を変えてこれは新しいりさなんだってこと
誰の為に変わろうとしたかは別として、その結果がりさのためになったってこと。

彼が聞く質問、”How do I know this isn’t any different from the rest of the times?” 
その答えに戸惑うのは当たり前。
彼との別れは一度も解決したことない。

このまま彼を待つのは切が無い
でも、かれは何が欲しいの? Uは何を求めてるの?
Iは今のところ友達としてがんばってる。 

Uからの一言”Iは変わったよ、友達もIが変わったって言ってる” 
は嬉しかった。 
でも、それが何ナノ? 
良いほうに変わったのはI自身もわかるよ。
だから?彼から褒められるのを待ってたわけではない。 
自分の為にやったんだからそれはぜんぜんいらない。

Uへの願いは何が欲しいのか聞いてみること。
で、もしUNIが一緒になれるのであれば、白紙から戻ること。 
過去に操られるのはもうやめて欲しい。 Uも言ったじゃん。
Iは変わったって。 

変わったならもう”前みたい”とはいえないでしょ?
それをもう一回やるなら、UNIは一緒になれない。
なりたくない。 

Uは何が欲しいの? Iが欲しいのは:UNI. 
もちろん、友達以上に。 でも、Uが友達以下としていたいなら
それでも平気。 UNIにリミットは無い。 

でもはっきりしてほしい。 今の所はっきりしてるのは
Iの気持ち。 Iの願い。 
今度はUの出番。
Uは何が欲しいの?Uの気持ちは? 

UNIは無理? 
教えて欲しい。

ーLー

Tuesdays with Morrie

“Accept what you are able to do and what you are not able to do.  Accept the past as past, without denying it, or discarding it.  Learn to forgive yourself and to forgive others.” (18)

“Dying is only one thing to be sad over.  Living unhappily is something else.  So many of the people who come to visit me are unhappy.” “I may be dying, but I am surrounded by loving, caring souls.  How many people can say that?” (36)

“Have I told you about the tensions of opposites?  Life is a series of pulls back and forth.  You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else.  Something hurt you, yet you know it shouldn’t.  You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted.” (40)

“The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.  Let it come in.  We think we don’t deserve love, we think if we let it in we’ll become too soft.  But a wise man named Levine said it right.  He said, ‘Love is the only rational act’.” (52)

“And slowly a discussion begins–as Morrie has wanted all along–about the effect of silence on human relations.  Why are we embarrassed by silence? What comfort do we find in all the noise? I am not bothered by silence.  For all the noise I make with my friends, I am still not comfortable talking about my feelings in front of others–especially not classmates.  I could sit in the quiet hours if that is what the class demanded.” (54) 

“What if today were my last day on earth?” (64)

“Koppel imagined the two men together one day, one unable to speak, the other unable to hear.  What would that be like? We will both hold hands, Morrie said.  And there’ll be a lot of love passing between us.  We’ve had thirty-five years of friendship.  You don’t need speech or hearing to feel that.” (71)

“Am I being the person I want to be?” (81)

“Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live.” ( 82)

“Say I was divorced, or living alone, or had no children.  This disease–what I’m going through–would be so much harder.  I’m not sure I could do it.  Sure, people would come visit, friends, associates, but it’s not the same as having someone who will not leave.  It’s not the same as having someone whom you know has an eye on you, is watching you the whole time.” (92)

“Do not stop your lives.  Otherwise, this disease will have ruined three of us instead of one.” (93)

Learn to detach.  Don’t cling to things, because everything is impermanent.  Detachment doesn’t mean you don’t let the experience penetrate you.  On the contrary, you let it penetrate you fully.  That’s how you are able to leave it.” (103)

“If you hold back on the emotions–if you don’t allow yourself to go all the way through them–you can never get to being detached, you’re too busy being afraid.  You’re afraid of the pain, you’re afraid of the grief.  You’re afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails.” (104)

“I thought about how often this was needed in everyday life.  How we feel lonely, sometimes to the point of tears, but we don’t let those tears come because we are not supposed to cry.  Or how we feel a surge of love for a partner but we don’t say anything because we’re frozen with the fear of what those words might do to the relationship. 

Morrie’s approach was exactly the opposite.  Turn on the faucet.  Wash yourself with the emotion.  It won’t hurt you.  It will only help.  If you let the fear inside, if you pull it on like a familiar shirt, then you can say to yourself, ‘All right, it’s just fear.  I don’t have to let it control me.  I see if for what it is’. 

Same for loneliness: you let go, let the tears flow, feel it completely–but eventually be able to say, “All right, that was my moment with loneliness.  I’m not afraid of feeling lonely, but now I’m going to put that loneliness aside and know that there are other emotions in the world, and I’m going to experience them as well….Detach..” (105)

“Love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone.” (133)

“Death ends a life, not a relationship.” (174)

Pondering Thoughts

I’ve been reading about adolescence problems lately, for my UH 350 project, and I came upon the theme of sex.  The stuff i’ve been reading is how young teenage girls, ages 13 and 14 already having sex and questioning when to have sex, the definition of sex, and defining relationships.  That made me wonder a bit.  I’m not bringing in any opinions or anything, but in the book it mentioned how would you define a relationship?  What is sex?  Lately, sex is defined as a status quo or even a pressure point, where u feel like you need to have sex to conform to others, or to your relationship.  

My friend from childhood, who I’ve always admired, went out w/her bf for 4.5 years.  They were great, from my eyes.  but I just heard that they broke up, and the reason was simply because they’ve been together for so long.  That made me think.  What makes an individual want to keep a relationship?  Is it all about the physical interaction? Is it knowing that someone else loves you and isn’t scared to say it straight out?  My friend wanted to know what was up with my life, and I had just talked to steve, so I told her I was talking to my novio, and she asked, why?  Why do you have a boyfriend?  

That kinda made me wonder.  Why do I, or you, need a significant other and strive for it to keep it up?  Is it just an emotional growth that I want to experience?  With college coming to an end in 2 more years, I start to think about these questions.  I want nothing more than to keep this relation with steve, but on the other hand, if I could keep up knowing he loves me back, then do we really need to be in a relationship to feel that way?  I guess then, it changes into a different kind of love.  

I start to wonder if we never had sex, if things would’ve been different.  Would our relationship last longer? ended shorter? remained as a simple relationship?  I wonder what sex is to him.  I really do.  To me, it’s a fun activity to be able to share with him.  I think it develops our relation stronger, but on the other hand, I wonder if that’s the only reason he wants to be w/me.  I start to question whether sex really does make our relation stronger, or does it simply make it impossible to let go because of the physical interaction.  I could probably say it now, but I don’t mind going back to simply going through the small make out sessions.  Sex seems so obvious now that we got into it, but truthfully, I don’t mind going back to the “simple” stages of our relationship.  It’s not that I don’t like the sex.  It’s just I don’t want this relationship to be held on simply because of the physical interaction.  I feel more than that.  or at least I want to feel more from it.  The physical interaction is like the cherry on top.  It doesn’t really have to be there, but if it is, great.  

so I ask again, what’s a relationship?  what’s the definition of sex? why do people have sex? why do people long for a signficant other? 

Installing Love

*copied from a chain-mail

Tech Support: Yes, … how can I help you?

Customer: Well, after much consideration, I’ve decided to install Love. Can you guide me though the process?

Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: Well, I’m not very technical, but I think I’m ready. What do I do first?

Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?

Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?

Tech Support: What programs are running?

Customer: Let’s see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now

Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you
turn those off?

Customer: I don’t know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?

Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, “Error – Program not run on external components .” What
should I do?

Tech Support: Don’t worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love
yourself before you can Love others.

Customer: So, what should I do?

Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files:Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and
Acknowledge your Limitations.

Customer: Okay, done.

Tech Support: Now, copy them to the “My Heart” directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is
playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?

Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love
is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others
and return some cool modules back to you.